A lot is being written and said about abuse. Lots of individuals are coming to grips with the fact that they’ve been abused or have abused others. There’s also a form of counseling that seeks to even uncover repressed past abuse. As you probably know, it’s all causing no small number of problems on every front.

To start with, every human suffers abuse and every human abuses others, at least to some small degree. We weren’t created to live in a sinful world. Sin IS abuse. Period. Parents are sinners and their sins affect their children as well as themselves. That’s abuse. Children are sinners and their sin hurts the parents and their siblings. That’s abuse. Lying to another is abusing them. Stealing or borrowing without permission is abuse. Angry words are abusive. Rejection is abusive. We may not categorize it with sexual abuse or physical abuse, but it’s still abuse.

The ultimate answer to all abuse is the hope we have in Christ. No matter what has happened to you, no matter what you have done, it all ends up okay for the Christian. There is a day coming when we won’t be abused at all because all sin will end! This is the only real hope of an abuse-free world. And Christian hope is not just a wish, but rather it is a clear expectation of a promise based on complete faith. That’s the way the Bible defines hope. Hence, no matter what, we can live in hope of complete release and freedom from a painful past.

With that said, there are also ways to address and deal with the abuses we’ve suffered at the hands of others in our pasts. Here are some suggestions:

1. ADMIT IT. The first step to all healing is getting to what the truth is. Be careful not to embellish it either way—making it worse than it was or trying to make it not as bad as it was. Let it be what it was (is). Any inappropriate contact of a sexual nature to a child is abuse. A child has no real choice in that. Even if that contact was with another child and the child initiated it, it’s still abuse and can cause some problems. So, be as honest as possible. My husband hits me. My wife hits me. A lot, maybe. I am being treated in a way that society would not approve if they knew it. What is being (was) done to me is against the law. It was my father or mother or mate, etc., that did it to me, for crying out loud! Admit the truth, the real truth, and only the truth.
2. GET OUT, if you’re still in it. Taking a beating one more time will not help your abuser. No matter who you are or what you’ve done, you don’t deserve to be hit by your mate or the person you’re dating or your parent (Spanking is part of God’s plan for a child, but more than that is most likely abusive. Spanking spouses or a grown child is not God’s way though. A child being hit or punched other than spanking is abuse!) You’re NOT helping anyone by letting another abuse you. You have a better chance of the other getting better if you’re NOT there. Get help for yourself and the other BEFORE you go back. Find someone that will help you safely get out. Call a hotline for your particular kind of abuse. Call your church leader(s). Talk to a professional and ask her/him to help you get out. If you are under immediate threat call 911 on your phone. If you are under the age of 18 and you feel you are being abused, talk to your pastor or youth pastor or school counselor or a coach or teacher to figure out what to do. None should be alone in abuse as that is one of the key weapons of predators and abusers. ALWAYS tell someone else who is mature, professional and that you can trust to look out for YOU. If you are an abuser, don’t wait, call a professional who can help you and protect you (and most of fall, others) from yourself right now. No matter what time of the day it is. Do it now. You will not get better on your own. You need help. It almost always gets worse left alone.
3. GET A CLEAR PERSPECTIVE THOUGH. It could have always been worse and it could always not have even happened. There are others who’ve had it worse and there are others that have had it better. But what happened to you, happened to you. However, what really determines how bad abuse was is first, what, if any physical scars it may have left you with. And, secondly, how you see it. How you see it will determine what the deeper physical scars will be (are). Some use a really bad perspective on their abuse to justify some pretty bad behavior on their own parts. Another’s sin (even against us) never justifies even one sin on our part. Period. Having been abused does not justify your abuse of others. It doesn’t justify being hateful and ugly. It doesn’t justify being vengeful and spiteful. Returning abuse for abuse is not Christ’s way. A lot of people, even professionals, will tell you that abuse does indeed excuse our own misbehavior, but the Bible says otherwise. The fact is that everyone is abused (remember, we weren’t designed to live in a sinful world). The fact is everyone abuses (any time we sin against another, we abuse them). The fact is you have the capacity to overcome abuse and you don’t have to be a victim your whole life. The fact is another’s abuse of you is a statement of his/her sin sickness and makes no statement about your worth and value AT ALL! If you let abuse make you a lifelong victim it will. On the other hand, if you decide to, you can let your abuse make you better. You can use it to help others. You can use it to help yourself!
4. DECIDE TO GET BEYOND IT. You can be pitiful or powerful and the choice is yours. Nothing is more pitiful than someone who is beaten down and enslaved to the pain of past abuse. And in that condition you can get lots of sympathy the rest of your life. However, you still have to live as a beaten down, abused person. Is that what you want to be? On the other hand, if you get beyond it many won’t know it ever happened to you unless you tell them. And you won’t get a bunch of sympathy. And others will expect you to be a well, contributing member of society. But you’ll be powerful and you will know you overcame. That’s a much better way to live. Trust me.
5. GET HELP HEALING. Much abuse can be addressed with the help of a mature Christian friend or a professional. Just knowing another understands will help. It will help seeing that mature individuals don’t see us as somehow flawed because we were raped, beaten, etc. by some sick person in our pasts. They will help us see that the blame is on the abuser not us—that, in fact, we are stronger than most because it happened to us and we’re still here and we’ve not given up and we’re not an abuser ourselves. Secular counselors (ones who do not profess to use Christian principles) will take a much different approach from most Christian counselors. We strongly suggest Christian counseling as it will help you get beyond it in a way so as to forgive and not hate. However, most help is better than none. Sadly enough, some help can be worse than none.
6. JOIN A CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY. A great home group. A great Bible class. A close-knit church. A Christian support group. Healing happens faster and more effectively in the context of a great support group. You’ll see.

So, you’re reading this for a reason. Why? Pray and then follow what the Spirit tells you to do with this. If we can help, please contact us by the phone number of email addresses provided. God bless you.