Sunday afternoon I made the toughest move of all when we took our baby, Brianna, and left her in a worn-out old dormitory an hour away from us. I had to fight an anxiety attack for crying out loud. I was trying to be really strong because I wanted this to be a fun day for her. My heart was breaking inside. Not only did my every instinct tell me to hang on to her and keep her under our protective wings, it told me I was crazy leaving her in this dangerously strange place (well yeah, I know it’s not, but we’re talking feelings here). Brianna is my Puddin-Tane Girl. She’s my Sweetheart Girl. She was the family princess in a tomboy body! Tana had told me that she would never feel fulfilled in life if she didn’t get to have a girl. After three boys the doctor said our odds of having a girl were about 1/1000. Well, our God controls the odds and we had our girl at last. When she was born the doctor said it was a girl (not exactly what he said) but Tana didn’t hear him. She, with fear in her voice said, “What did he say?” With tears in my eyes I told her it was a girl. She said, “Don’t lie to me!” The doc had to show her the proof. We both cried. She cried more when I told her that in the tradition of the Bible we’d name her for who she was. So I suggested we name her “Finally”. Just kidding. “Brianna” was my choice for my daughter’s name since I’d first heard it as the name of a beautiful young woman in Arizona years earlier.

So, we had our girl. As the boys each left, I still had my baby at home. She got a lot more attention than the boys did (except with Brandon his first four years) because she was our “only child” for over four years. There are unique bonds with each of your children and that’s certainly true for the baby. I was the youngest of my family so I had some idea about that position. So, we bonded with Bri in some special ways over the last years. I had concurrently bonded with the boys in new and wonderful ways as friends and brothers as they’ve all worked closely with me in various ways.

But, Bri represents the final bond to their childhoods. She represented our bond with parenting children. An era ended Sunday and no matter how much I try not to think about it, it did. Our kids are grown up. They’re great kids to us and great adults to the world. I think by the grace and guidance of God, Tana and I did our best work in child-rearing. We really loved and enjoyed our kids. There was never a day we wished them gone or looked forward to that day. We used to say we’d like to just stop time at certain points. It was usually when they were asleep, but we did it nonetheless. Just kidding. We really did talk about not wanting them to grow beyond their ages at various times. We had a blast with them and we cherish our every memory of them. They were great kids. Parents could absolutely not dare ask God for better ones than we’ve got.

So driving away from the University of North Texas in Denton was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I had to be strong for my baby and my wife, but I wanted to cry like a baby. I had to overrule my every instinct. I had to mute my screaming brain—“Don’t leave her! Don’t leave her! You are crazy, man!” And, so Tana and I drove home and although I was a only little subdued outwardly, I was just playing it strong. Inside I was just pretty sick. I don’t want to turn loose. I don’t want it to be over. Then we got home and got her going away notes to each of us. In it she actually asked me to text her all my ridiculous comments that I made to her all day, “You’re just sittin’over there thinkin’ you’re all better than me, aren’t you?” She said she loved them. She told me she adored everything about me and that I was an amazing man and that she wanted to find a man just like me to marry. She said she’d never seen a better man or father. Now, we know those aren’t true in actuality, but to one little girl it was true of me. She sees me like God sees me—pretty “holy and blameless”. I shed a lot of tears and even more later than night alone. And, so did Tana as she read her note. I can only imagine what hers said. Tana’s a bright woman and a wonderful mom who chose to stay home and dedicate her best years to mothering those kids like nobody’s business for over 30 years. I told Brianna in an email later that night to her that my heart would always be her home because she’d always be there.  A dad couldn't love a daughter more than I do Brianna.  Period.

Leaving her Sunday was much worse than when I was a kid having to leave about the funnest place in my world, Springlake Amusement Park in Oklahoma City. Gosh, the fun house alone made it awesome with all its gags and weird mirrors. Not to mention the roller coaster and the bumper cars and the haunted house. But hey, our house has also been a real fun house with our kids with lots of gags and crazy stuff (One time I looked over right next to me at the clear plexiglas shower wall where my son, Casey, was showering and he had his mouth sealed to the glass and was actually blowing his whole mouth up. I could about see all the way down to his stomach!). And, sometimes the house seemed pretty haunted. And, no doubt it was quite a roller coaster at times.

But, the soccer games and basketball games and school programs are over for this chapter. And, now it’s time to go home. Sad for sure. But, we’ll get over it like the legions before us and those beside us in it right now (how do you say Dan and Pam Walls??!). The next chapter is going to be at least as good as the last one even though we’d prefer to live them both concurrently for the rest of our lives.

So, the way I plan to get over it is to start the badgering these kids I’ve spent about ten million dollars raising about getting married and having me some grandkids that I can spoil and send home to their parents as punishment for all the sins of their own youthful crimes against their parents! And, reminding them that retirement for Tana and me is one quarter of each year with each of them. So, we’ll also have to spend some of the time helping them in their housing plans in order to assure proper space for us. And, not stairs we have to walk up either as we’re getting older. And, "would you please hand me my teeth to eat this steak you cooked just way too tough?!  And, what is this potato look-alike stuff you just stuck in front of me?!"